Follow Your Bliss

have a black hair
never pluck my eyebrows
have my mother’s nose
have my father’s attitude
have a big tummy
played guitar before

I’ve never been hospitalized
I  love the color of sea
I’ve cheated on boyfriends
I’ve owned fake credentials
But my hair is still black
and my tummy is still big
and I probably won’t always like the color of sea

I have firm breasts
I have lips that always smile
I have veins that bleed
I freak out when I’m nervous
I feel the pain of others
but cry for no reason
I like open flame
I’ve been selfish as a child
I’m from what you call ‘gangsta place of manila’
But hate riots
I’ve cheated on diets
I’ve faked receipts
But I still bleed
and my breasts won’t always be firm

I have strong shoulders
I have fair complexion skin
I have happy face borrowed from my mother
I have long nails which break regularly
My ears are strange
I don’t usually write
I used to make personal stuff for friends
I don’t brush my hair before bed
I cheated on tests
I faked flirtatious accents
But I still have fair complexion skin
and I probably wont have strong shoulders
and I may always write
But maybe I’ll start making personal stuff for friends again.

I love my life
I hate my job
I applied as a flight attendant because my mom wants me to
I talk a lot
I praise my mom
I idolize my dad
I’m pretty close to my team mates
I hate my leader
I try to analyze things
I sympathize my friends
But I still praise my mom
and I probably won’t always hate my leader
and I may always try to analyze things
But maybe I’ll always sympathize my friends

Geeshh..

       Everytime I see ‘mga anak ng dyos’, I envy their simple life. I never thought how complicated life is ’til now. Being the eldest in the family, I know that I have a big responsibility. My folks never told me how humongous it is..but it’s an unspoken rule. I’m trying to do my best. Doing household chores, cooking, etc. etc. But I know that its not enough and I’m not doing a good job. Sometimes I grudge about other people’s lives. I get disappointed when I see other people who don’t have to worry about anything. I ask myself.. why am I here? Why is it that I dont have that? yada yada. As I get older, the responsibility becomes heavier. It’s getting scary everyday because I feel like I  have a lot of tasks left-out and needs to backtrack on them. So the responsibilities are buried on a deep hole and I need to dig them one by one. Sniff sniff. If only I can just bury them deeper and just  leave them behind. But I can’t. It’s probably an unspoken  responsibility that I need to accomplish. Aside from the fact  that I love my family and I wanna make sure that they’ll have a good future. I wanna make sure that my folks will not work when they get older. I remember talking to someone, who has the same situation w/ mine, and she’s doing a very good jod with it. She told me ‘Take it as a challenge and not as a burden.’ Starting that day I realized that it’s time for me to be mature enough and face my responsibilities with confidence. Whether how complicated it is I have to do my best because I know that it’s for me and my family’s sake. Sigh.. grabe pla! But it’s ok.. kung kaya nila kaya ko din.

        Now, I love to hear stories about how people strive just to help their family. Absolutely, definitely, positively amazing! I admire them! When things get complicated I just think that ‘Life is really simple, but we insist on making it complicated.’ We live by choice and the decision that we made  depends on what we think is right for us. Kaya nga ‘Ang isang bagay pag ginawa mo ng may super duper love..ndi na obligasyon ang tawag don..di po ba??’