~Life??~
Everytime I see ‘mga anak ng dyos’, I envy their simple life. I never thought how complicated life is ’til now. Being the eldest in the family, I know that I have a big responsibility. My folks never told me how humongous it is..but it’s an unspoken rule. I’m trying to do my best. Doing household chores, cooking, etc. etc. 
But I know that its not enough and I’m not doing a good job. Sometimes I grudge about other people’s lives. I get disappointed when I see other people who don’t have to worry about anything. I ask myself.. why am I here? Why is it that I dont have that? yada yada. As I get older, the responsibility becomes heavier. It’s getting scary everyday because I feel like I have a lot of tasks left-out and needs to backtrack on them. So the responsibilities are buried on a deep hole and I need to dig them one by one. Sniff sniff. If only I can just bury them deeper and just leave them behind. But I can’t. It’s probably an unspoken responsibility that I need to accomplish. Aside from the fact that I love my family and I wanna make sure that they’ll have a good future. I wanna make sure that my folks will not work when they get older. I remember talking to someone, who has the same situation w/ mine, and she’s doing a very good jod with it. She told me ‘Take it as a challenge and not as a burden.’ Starting that day I realized that it’s time for me to be mature enough and face my responsibilities with confidence. Whether how complicated it is I have to do my best because I know that it’s for me and my family’s sake. Sigh.. grabe pla! But it’s ok.. kung kaya nila kaya ko din.
Now, I love to hear stories about how people strive just to help their family. Absolutely, definitely, positively amazing! I admire them! When things get complicated I just think that ‘Life is really simple, but we insist on making it complicated.’ We live by choice and the decision that we made depends on what we think is right for us. Kaya nga ‘Ang isang bagay pag ginawa mo ng may super duper love..ndi na obligasyon ang tawag don..di po ba??’
June 5th, 2006 at 12:48 am
My dear Sister,
You are NOT all alone on that situations!You can never asked Why?Even you think Life is so unfair and it seems like torturing you.I definitely and exactly knew all the things worrying you and what lifes obliged pertaining to your role as the eldest.You know i’ved been through to all that and until now it’s my burden.I would like you to think the positive outcome of your duties and responsibilities out of love.I knew exactly the difficulties you’ved been through..Always remember:God will never give you things that you cannot make it to handle.God give you the major purpose in life.But it’s up to us to choose how to handle situations, out of our own freewill.But God want us to have faith and believe in his word that ,There is no problem too big that he cannot resolved it.He will carry the weight things on your shoulder if you let him or allow him to carry it upon his shoulder.But God wants you to trust him!He is just waiting for you to asked.I knew,you are confused and sometimes doesn’t wanna face the reality you’ved been through, and wanted to hide when you feel you already tired and sick carrying out things.But tried to think you are somebody and think that this is part of trainings in lifes to equipt you to become a good person.My dearly madgy think about after you surpass this,there’s another major role in your life you are going to tackle and face much more difficult.but surely,if you go on the flow of life and take it positively,it will be easier for you to resolved all the problems,obstacle,challenges in life you are going to face while getting more older.Think about that all things happening you just offering it to all your love ones as a living sacrifices.and you will feel lighter and happy doing all of those things because you put meaning in to the life of your younger brother and sisters and you fulfill your duties because you love them.And don’t forget ,God knows what you are doing with them and he will reward you and never leave you his eyes is on you.and it’s a good feeling that you are doing thing out of love and learned from it.And it’s part of maturity.Just enjoying the task that lifes are giving you.Think constructively always and what you’ved learned from the magical world of ups and down in Life it will never obliterated and no one can take it away from you.While you getting older a lot of challenges and unexpected things coming in.Weather it’s good or bad ,you like it or not.Just be yourself,clear up your mind, analyze things and situation before you conclude.So that you will never go wrong.Stop worriness!have confident!believe in your self!and i believe you.Fight for the honorable things.Motivate yourself in a good purpose in life.have determination that you gonna make it good!I have confident in you ,girl!Believe me,if you try to use all those formula in able for you not to give up..it will be easier for you to encounter a lot of things will gonna happen.Go,girl!Cheer up!Stay young and beautiful!Think positively!and Don’t forget you are one of the heroine!Just always wanted to be the Best you can be!Chill out!You are still young,just take it easy…Much and much of love!Your bold,sweet,charming ,adorable,Mean,Tiger,craziest,romantic,creative and very strong Ate MAi…ha,ha,ha (just wanted you to laugh).Mwuah,mwuah,mwuah